emmetsville

the hazel toothed wind had subsided and the power was off
trees down, listening to the radio all night
some guy dead when a tree branch crashes through his windshield
drunk
head sounds, asleep
feel ok
hazy eyed and blindless i walk call the elevator
and go downstairs out into the fish smelling night
fog abounds rolling in thick coils off ruddy shiny street
traffic is dead as i walk up the streets
past gas stations, the local swensons, grocery stores, acme
still drunk
usually never leave the house drunk
jaywalk to the abandoned lot behind dairy queen
can see him already
asleep in the old van
no doors
closer examination reveals
a heroin syringe hanging out of one arm
wild irish rose quart bottle filled with piss
sitting on the ground outside the van
his hair is wet and his face is red
hes a skeleton
poke him with the bottle of piss
then fling it across the yard
he stirs awake
hey
did you hear the storm last night?
there was a storm?
your lots half flooded
i dont remember it
sit in his van, and lay down on my back
your dick is bleeding
what?
he looks down at his cock
his pants are at his ankles
where did you get the money for that
gesture to the syringe
you cant afford cigarettes
gimme a cigarette kurt
hand one over
some guy paid me 20$ if i would slice my cock up with a piece of broken glass
and he could watch
look over at him holding his frail cock by the head
examining the cuts
hey kurt, can i borrow some money?

emmetsville
let me tell you about
emmetsville
i dont know any history of this town other than what i was shown
im too poor to move, and dropped out of school
at a very young age
people tend to come to this burnt out shit hole in expensive cars
flaunting themselves
and leave very quickly
the crack problem is so bad
that everyones paid off
judges, cops, everyone
im the only one i know who doesnt use
manage a convenience mart on randalls avenue
have no employees
police around here just arrest anyone for random reasons
and sell drugs
its americas dirty little secret
somebody has fucked up
royally


i was late for work, but it could wait
i didnt get much business anyway, other than people buying cigarettes or trying
to rob me
they never get anything, i send my earnings up a windpipe directly to my
apartment where its kept in a trunk
i never spend much anyway, other than on cigarettes, beer or food, which i get from myself.
but i had to check on "harley
an obese addict that lived in a hole in peking park
i walked fast, made my way to his hole in the world
past children, bodies dead or mutilated in the street
men cutting themselves, or blowing cracksmoke into their emaciated faces
i found him, close by his hole
naked, laying with his guts in his hands
what happened to you?
he told me if i knifed myself he would let me hit
why did you cut so deep?
it felt so good...
he reaches into his guts and pulls out a handful, offering them to me
i bend down, and take a deep bite
walking away
much the same way i came.

please stand, judge venus dixen presiding!
we all stand, misfits
please be seated.
i call jeremy s. junior to the stand.
so, what have you been doing?
working...
jeremys drug test tested positive for crack cocaine, even though hes been
through the corrective treatments.
jeremy we have given you ample time to correct yourself but our efforts have
been fruitless. i am forced to send you to
jail.
please dont, i have children
all the more reason why you should be in jail.
i call caroline d. to the stand
she sent her child out at three AM to buy crack for her.
is this true?
she nods.
your really messed up, you need to get cleaned up.
the cops take her, as she weeps, into custody.
the crack addicted audience applauds.
michael c. we call you to the stand.
so, michael has been drinking!
what do you want for christmas michael?
to be left alone.
im sorry michael! for christmas, your going to jail!
be sure to take this k-y jelly with you!
she tosses him a tube, and laughs
the crack addicted audience applauds
ok! moving right along
we call aaron d. to the stand.
and aaron has been smoking!
his mother begins to cry
aaron, all crack will do is ruin your life.
why do you persist in its usage?
im sick...
im glad your starting to realize that!
and now you get to go to jail.
maybe you should have stopped when you had the chance.
time passes, many are sent to jail for drug use.
the judge stands, walks into her office
pulls out a crack pipe, lights up

by the time i arrive at work, too many people have coagulated
i whip out my pistol and fire a few warning shots into the air
they dissipate and i walk inside the store
minutes later the orders arrive, just on time
dairy, booze, cigarettes, canned goods
spot the order, and get to stocking
customer
can you loan me a pack of cigarettes
pull my gun
get the fuck out
he leaves
back to stocking
customer
selects beer, cigarettes, pays
where do you live
just near the park, in a turned over garbage can with the word fag spraypainted on it
he pays, he leaves
make a note to visit him, and the cash flies up the valve into my room above the store
two men burst in and see no one, so begin to steal, i hide behind the shelf pointing the gun upwards
they move to the register, and when the first leans over, i shoot him in the skull knocking his brain and skull all
over the ceiling
leap over the register and put two shells into his stoned buddy
close the store to clean up the mess
8 dollars tonight, a great sum.
drag the bodies out into the street, where theyll be crushed by the streetsweeper in the morning

so what do you want
i want it
you want it?
will you do what i say? your pregnant.
ill do it, i promise
then youll get what you want
take this
he hands her a strait razor
she takes it trepidatiously
what should i do with it
gut yourself
i cant
he dangles a bag of rocks before her eyes
its all yours if you do what i say
two men watch him at his side, occasionally lighting up
but first, expose your stomach
she takes off her shirt
her breasts sag, heavy with milk
now i want you to gut yourself
cut deep and you can have this whole bag
ok
she sighs
and digs the blade
into her pregnant belly, cutting a 10 inch gash into herself
she falls over crying
pull out your baby and you can have this whole brick
she cuts harder
until her gut deflates into her hands
water broken through her own self
he bends over her and reaches into her body
pulling out her fetus
small, malformed
it whimpers a moment, frail
reaches to the dealer a second, then goes limp
drops it, wheezes a moment
slips into a eternal sleep
take her out and dump her in the street

someone called me at 3am
who is it? david.
bail is 300$ will you bail me out?
want too, i do
say yes, walk down to the police station, after tapping funds
walk in, here to bail out david
they lead me down the walk of shame
cells filled with blood and shit
madmen, driven insane by their addiction
men chew the bars
men bash their heads against the walls
blood drips down
weeping men lying in piles of semen
jacking off flaccid cocks in corners of rooms
hoping for some parody of a high
men chewing the bars of their doors
men licking the floors
men trying to drown themselves in the toilets
men ripping at their own flesh with their fingers
tearing their legs and guts open
cops oblivious
davids cell
david in the corner, afraid
david im here to bail you out
why?
because you called
theyll just put me back in again...
im hear to save you
i cant be saved
he stands on his toilet
get him down, cops
door is opened,
but he leaps too soon
and i watch him quiver hopelessly in mid air a moment
before his throat is slashed
by the tiny wire
attached to him
the cops escort me out
kicking me in the ass
as i leave
into the street

walk up the terrace smoking a cigarette
factory smoke curls up over the frigid morning in ominous festoons in the pink and white
sky
walk down stairs, past street sweepers, past vandalized buildings, parked cars,
sleeping bodies
notice steam rising from a body clad in a black trenchcoat and kneel down to investigate
opening the jacket
its a knife wound
he is beaten badly, his eyes cut out, his genitals carved out of his body and laying
in slivers on the pavement
a gaping hole in the nape of his legs
the man winces and looks at me
help me
how?
need one last hit before i die, then i need to confess my sins
he writhes, cries
take it out of my pocket, lower left pocket
i do so, and hold it to his lips
put in a rock and light it with my cigarette lighter
he takes and long pull and exhales a mushroom cloud of chrome diesel smoke
that makes me gag
his lower lip quivers as he prepares to speak

"i had a lots and lots of money, inheritance from a grandparent, and lived here in
emmetsville, in a small house. i didnt need employment. i sat around drinking in darkness,
listening to crying babies in my head, and clock gongs going off, at all hours. one night
i awoke from a long binge to find in my arms a baby child. i didnt know where it came
from. i kept the child, raised it, and often went out at night, stealing babies, or buying
them, from crack whores, or young girls. as they matured, i would keep them tied in
my dirt floor basement, where i would feed them dogfood, kept them naked, and photographed
them, tacking the photographs to telephone poles, or in public restrooms, or leaving them
.... on public tabletops. sometimes, in the pew at church, or id drop one in the collection
plate, while at a service... before my addiction began, and i began to smoke crack. slowly
my cash dwindled and i would go into frenzies. i grew a long beard, my teeth fell out, the
color drained from my eyes. into the basement i would go, with a plastic box cutter, and
cut the childrens bodies, and sodomize them, until they bled from their rectums. they
would often burst into fits of cacophony as i had taught none of them to talk, and would
scream random things at me as i beat and cut and raped them. their mouths were so damaged
that i could fuck them raw, as most of their jaws were broken.

my cigarette burns my fingers and a rope of drool descends from my lip onto the ice
cluttered sidewalk, i drop my cigarette butt and bite my lower lip. he takes my cold hand

their bodies were frail and mangled, and i began to drive nails into their skulls at random
places, sometimes piercing their cocks with nails, their ears, and i nailed their feet
to the floor, but the nails came undone. my binges were out of control, and one night
with a swift blow to the face one of the boys fetters came undone and he fell to the ground.
i was so high that i fell over a moment, and the boy ran from the house grunting and
shrieking and crying, dripping blood from his rectum and body and face, his broken jaw
hanging down, blood dripping down his skull and long clumped hair. he ran, panting and
insane and the first thing he did was kneel down and eat a pile of dogshit...
as he began to run, i was to drunk to pursue him fast... he ran through the city... when
a bunch of people saw us, they began to chase me as well... until it was a mob... they
overtook me *cough* carved my genitals out of my body... knifed me and beat me and hung me
from a streetlight... i just fell from...

what happened to the child?

hes... overthere...
*gestures to an alleyway

walked to the alleyway and peered in
frozen to the pavement was what looked to be once a child
on its crooked and shattered face was an imbecilic grin
it was a parody of a human being
head shaped like a bunch of grapes, coated in bruises and swells
torn misshapen rats nest of hair down to his ass
nails bent and crooked, jutting out of random places in his skull and his torso
a ghastly mural of mutilation
feet crooked and torn, and a molar lying on his chest
could see shitstains on his face, probably from the dog
frozen to the sidewalk
whats your name!
call to the wounded molester
LIFE
he shouts at me
go home, and gather a chisel from my apartment, and a hammer
returning to the child, i pound away at him for what seems like hours
lift him
and toss him into the dumpster

met an old man named timothy while walking home from work,
slow night
like most in the city he was a crackhead, but he worked at a factory
didnt ask me for money or try to mug me
instead we walked up the road
talking of platitudes
invited him back to my apartment, where i clicked on a classical rock station
and opened a beer
handed him one, he took a sip, and lit his pipe exhaling a coil
of purple ghost smoke into the room that was sucked and twisted by the radiator
his tone became darker as he spoke to me of what he believed to be a serial killer
patrolling the streets
timothy lived in the trailer of a truck
"hes out there, moving around in the dark, looking for his fix, patrolling the streets
wearing a beaked leather mask full of rose petals. back when there was the black plague,
they wore those. he carries a long silver revolver; with special exploding bullets... he taps
a knife into the tips of the bullets with a hammer, making a little x on the tip of the
bullet? he finds a victim, and shoots them, out of the blue, dragging their body if their
still alive into somewhere no one can see him, or so he thinks. then he takes out his cock
and fucks the bulletwound until the person dies, and he leaves them there. i caught him
doing it once, right on the corner of fistwood and charcoal. he saw me, and fired a shot at
me, nicking my face, but i ran, far and long... until i was safe... you better be careful
walking around like that at night... ive found some of his victims on the street... they
dont look like crackheads... they all looked like you..."
glared at him and gritted my teeth
just what i needed
he got up and left after draining his beer and smiling.
took my pistol out from under my bed, and cleaned it, while listening to the radio
and the sounds outside my window
gunshots, screams, anger, bottles shattering

when i got to my store the next day it was demolished
the windows were shattered, metal fencing broken, no police came
all my cigarettes and beer were gone, and the bottles were still there
heard movement in the back and pulled a hatchet out from under the counter
one man, picking over the spoils
ran at him screaming without a word
and hit him in the skull with the hatchet, the skull cracked like an egg and he fell to my
feet
walked from the store, clutching the hatchet and shaking my head
was loosing it

sat in my room that night
held my head in my hands and i babbled to myself
didnt have hardly no money to get out of here, i had no where to go
couldnt even go for a walk
sirens, i open my window and peer out, beer in one hand, cigarette in the other
it was the police, with a paddy wagon
they were rounding up the homeless, taking them all in
a steel bus pulls up and men and women and children are all forced into it
some protest, are beaten and some thrown half dead into the bus
the funeral procession proceeds
three dozen people, it looked like
scratch my head
where the fuck would they store everyone?

get drunk, pass out with the radio playing loudly
wake up to led zepplin, kashmir
walked into the street
it had turned cold fast, after the november rains
a few cars pass, a few people standing around, smoking
alot quieter than before
made my way to the local precinct and asked to see someone
made up a name
im sorry sir hes not confined
after a confused look passes over my face
i walk away and approach the first passerby
did you see what happened last night?
yeah, the police arrested everyone on the street
stating a new curfew law
im personally glad they did that
but where the fuck can they store all those people!
that jail aint big enough for half the people that were already there!
i couldnt tell you
walk up the street, baffled, back to my room

i need a fix
come to my house
bring your children

what do you want me to do...
i want you to handcuff yourself to that dumpster
her children watch transfixed and shaking, confused
why
you want to hit, you handcuff yourself to that dumpster
she does
now what
watch this
he hands each of her two children crackpipes
they light up, smoking it like pros
he blows cigarette smoke into her face and smiles
common children
takes her children in the car and drives off
woman screaming
she falls to her knees
goddamn LET ME GO YOU FUCKER LET ME GO
she pulls and yanks at the handcuffs, violently
GOD FUCKING DAMNIT
she kicks the dumpster, punches it, bashes her head against it over
and over
and over
a man leaps out of the dumpster and runs away
LET
she yanks her arm with each word
ME GO
more bashing of her head into the dumpster
grinds her teeth
shrieks her childrens names
passes out
arm dangling
she wakes up shivering
her whole body is numb
she punches the dumpster with her restrained fist over and over
until her fist is bloodied
she screams, inhuman blood curdles as she strikes
she yanks her crooked and broken mangled fist through the cuff
and runs into the street
wailing

it wasnt long before the streets were just as bad as they ever were
crackheads lined the pavement, and the old paint factory went out of business for lack
of help
a drunken man was lynched from a streetlight one morning after he wandered through the
streets brandishing a pistol and a bottle, shooting anyone he saw
was going to get out, had to get out
was going to become a dealer
save my cash and split when i had enough
cant take it anymore
head splitting
sounds in my head
tired all the time
running out of money
blood frozen on the streets
people dying
people disappearing
going into the jail and never coming out
no one will do anything about it
nowhere to turn
all my friends gone
store gone
walk into the street, and up into the crisp december sunrise, biting my lip

"i want to buy alot
"how much is alot
"i want a whole brick
"500$
"400$
fine
pay me back fifty and come back for more
hand him over the cash
take the brick

spend an hour cutting it into rocks
with a razor blade
inserting the rocks into baggies
filling the pockets of my jacket
gun in pocket
i walk into the cold street
exhaling a plume of steam
from my lips
and wait
man approaches
"man i need some...
*thumbs nose
"crack
crack?
blackout

i wake up and touch my head
blood
headache
empty pockets
a crackpipe sits on my chest
take it and walk inside my apartment building
sit down on the bed
insert a rock
pipe to my lips
lighter to the tip of the pipe
starry,
starry, fucking night

 

the woman in the reeds

where?
go beneath swaying wirey leafless branches
across vacant wheat sea
through brush bramble and blood thorn tufts
down winding crooked finger trail
overgrown with roots
amidst bobbing rose heads
along grassroots blue pain road
twisting up sugartree way
down skeletons finger crossing
about intermittent bluebell swarms
aside potbelly tree
through myriad colored falling maple leaves
sound windblown pines
stride across verdant tufts
moss blotches on the bone spur tree
under checkered black skies
and around the corner
pale ophelia floats


wake up 6:57 pm
skin cancer
noises in my head
disordered thought patterns
paranoid
contents of bedroom
blue chair
bed
crooked and rusted pistol i found on the train tracks
copy of bible
buzzing in my head wont stop
need a long hard pull
radio, baseball game playing
the indians vs. the yankees, new interleague play
uninterested but fascinated
mustve been gritting my teeth in my sleep
two bottles of beer in the refrigerator
frozen fish
plenty of cigarettes
marlboro reds
i light one up and smoke it in bed
growing impatient, restless, must dissolve
must go see the woman in the reeds
shell bring me peace

restless, i get dressed
underneath twisting yellow red blue orange skies
i clutch my jacket to my body and proceed to the railway
signposts, nails in the jaguar condom telephone poles
i chew a piece of paper as i walk
body feels numb
screaming voices in my head growing gradually louder
buzzing, like an alarm clock
but im already awake?
it must be the streetlights, getting dark
passing cars
eyecontact with a woman
she turns her head
probably could tell that im insane
most people can and are afraid of me
nothing i can do about that
gotta worry about myself and myself only
lost in a mental miasma
cant see the way out
clouds as far as the eye can see
no rain
no sunlight poking through
thank god no lightning


i walk onto the railway
and progress forward for a long walk after a sigh
of relief
do i have my pills?
i already took them
do i have my keys, my wallet, my cigarettes?
i have them, i am ok
i walk faster
paranoid
the sky is watching me
the trees sway
maybe it will rain
the thunder will come later
hands are shaking
cant think strait
i need a long pull
when will my dealer arrive?

emerge into a closed area and look around me
more junk
always more junk tossed haphazardly aside
what today?
buckets, rocks, railroad spikes, smashed bottles
burst of energy
leap at a pile of railroad tiers
lift one, drag it a few feet
piledrive it into the mud
another
another another another
circle of tiers driven into the mud
begin rebuilding stone hedge from memory
it stands
fall down
tired
not to long ago
but soon
stand up
kick nearest tier
they fall like dominoes
walk walk
sounds?
rumbles of thunder
to the small trestle
cross the street
my landscape
telephone poles
more junk
past over the bridge quick strides
fast
stop to pile buckets on the railtracks
stack them carefully
they look like doves
one here
one there
its important for this one to go here and that one to go there
finish
go
dog runs at me
stops when i make eyecontact
sits
wags tail
walk
graveyard
pass
not interested
glade
piles of dirt
wander into the broken cat tail woods
weave throughout trees
to the frog pond
always frogs in the summer but frozen in the winter
the woman
fall at her side and cuddle to her
rearrange her shrine
rained last night, it fell apart
candles fell
dead cat i found still hanging from the tree
dead skunk still under her head
she wears a crown of thorns i made
open her eyes and she peers into mine
she needs me
carry her naked pale body from her resting place and lay her in the water
strip clothes
carry her naked pale body into the water
bath her
comb her hair
her wounds are already stitched up
the woman in the pond will bring me peace
finish washing her body
emerge from pond
lay her gently on the earth
get dressed
still a little wet
light a cigarette
go out gathering flowers
dandelions, bluebells, roses
collect them in my cupped hands and drop them on the body
the smell
noises in my head
i can hear my dealers footsteps
they sound like trainwhistles
stand next to the traintracks
can see the light
i can see the
can see the light i can see
just need one long pull
toss my cigarette
train coming passes slowly
run along side
grab back handle
climb aboard
legs teeter helplessly next to wheel for a moment
pull myself to the platform
hold on
noises in my head louder
just need one long pull to silence them for awhile
one a day maybe more would suffice
can really do well with this sort of treatment
train speeds up
clutch train
train going faster
grind teeth
eyes roll back in head
open mouth wide
try to scream
no scream
JUMP
a moment of fireworks in my skull and i awake in a pile of my own excess blood dripping from my body pain contorts my face
stand to my feet it feels good silence i can hear the crickets i really can the noises stop. all i need is just one long good
pull and everythings ok torn clothes gash on my arm and it begins to rain.

wake up
7:22 pm
six pack of beer in fridge
i grab a cold one to take the edge off
restless again
can feel myself age
can feel myself breath
the woman will bring me peace
found a new item in my room
a soiled shoebox in my closet
to scared to open it
the forbidden shoe box
ha ha ha
fast before it gets dark
cigarette
peer out my window
sun setting fast
mesmerized a moment
showered already
wounds ok
want to spray paint the ground today
to the spraypaint store
black
on my way to the railroad
need another pull
the pills didnt stop the screaming
alarms in my head
voices screaming in my head
wont stop
pain
shiver, cold, i need something
need something
dont know what it is
hope i dont get lost
another cigarette
its dark
on my way to see the lady in the pond
she sleeps in my reflecting pool
she will bring me peace

cascading over streetlights in the rain my feet pound the pavement
towards my peace and my reflection
the lady of the pond needs me
stop to spraypaint the stones at my feet
on the sidetrack, quarries
winos sleep there
type of guys are different than me somehow
but so are the ones that run businesses
"death sleeps in bear traps
time is a warrant for the suns arrest
toolboxes filled with empty bottles
and dusty antiques dot the shelves
in my skull"
a flock a deer run by next to me
they all stop to stare
edge closer and closer
until they dart away
woman in the pond will bring me peace
walk fast
head down
motionless

pass the trestle and into the glade i move unfettered
the tentacles lash into my mind like slicing whips
i find her
i fall to my knees before her
i kiss her face
i kiss her body
i eat dead flowers
off her body
cards! war!
poker.
more joy?
theres no television in my skull
it always made me cry
strip
carry her body into the pond
wash her
tend to her wounds
caress her hair
ive got something for you
what is it?
a ring, will you marry me?
she hesitates
yes
put the ring on her finger
carry her to her resting place
light the candles
mount her gently
the lady in the reeds will bring me peace

docile skies flow over hidden plains
gravestones mark dead dreams
sourhead mash, and toilet feet waddle
soulless trees sway and mush
the clock has gone insane
what will you bring me
when my crops turn to dust
a leaflet
and a cobblestone
to drop in the pond
stale bread to feed the drunks and ducks
polite scoured
fear like bees spreads across the pain
eyes downward and tireless voices complain
ive made my way to the land of sour milk and oil
grinding teeth and eyes greet my passage and voiceless
skies scatter bent and rusty nails across a salted garden
rest in peace
hour of pain
you do not own me

wake up
sleeping naked next to the woman of the reeds?
what woke me up
it was a train whistle
my dealer has arrived
just one long pull will alleviate my pain
wait by the traintracks
here it comes
one more same as before i leap aboard
legs totter helplessly next the the grinding steel wheels a moment
pull myself aboard
train still going slow
i clutch
i grind
it hurts
it wont stop
arm is bleeding
train starting to speed up
i let myself hang from the train
look up at the sky
passing to fast cant make out nothing
a tornado maybe?
lightning tonight! thunder! fireworks!
JUMP

WAKE UP
a ringing in my ears
sounds are gone
body numb with pain
this time i land in a pile of tiers
i sit shivering a moment
limp home
shirt shredding bleeding wont stop

....

wake up
how many days has it been?
i cant see the clock
i want a cigarette
i feel swollen
light a cigarette
smoke pours out
want a beer too
glug
glug
glug
feel a little better
need more sleep
goodnight!

....

wake up
feel better
smile
cant sleep
mirror
shit, im cut bad
tend to my wounds
takes all night
cuddle into bed
dreaming of the woman in the reeds
i have her finger
under my pillow

wake up
pain is back
now in body and in head
cant think or feel
so numb
the lady in the reeds will bring me peace
get dressed
cigarette
pills
walk
just an old market town
i can feel my brain getting smaller
walk
train tracks
where is my dealer
need a fix
just one long pull
walk
walk
trestle
collect flowers
the lady in the reflecting pool
she scares me now
she looks different
i can see her teeth through her face
must have done something
or was it time?
she scares me
i dont want her to be there
pick up a stone
turn away my head
im sick
i put the stone in my mouth
i chew
i chew and chew
i spit out the splinters that were once my teeth
i spit out blood that was once in my cheek
i spit out the stone
that was once in my mouth
and my dealer has arrived
the lady in the reeds will bring me peace
grab her body and drag it onto the train tracks
i lay next to her clutching her and sob
you know ive always loved you
i know
train whistles
darkness

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